EPISODE 014: A Valentine's Day Special - One Couple's Tips for Creating and Keeping Intimacy in Marriage and Relationships

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Caution: This episode contains adult content.

Note: The episode volume can get low in this one. Hang in there and crank it up - it’s totally worth it!

In this week’s episode, Meg and Craig Smidt open up their lives to us to explore how they maintain intimacy in their 14-year marriage (16-year relationship). They define what intimacy is, tell us how its changed over the years — different ways of being intentional occurred when they were raising their five children versus now as their children are grown. 

In this candid conversation, the couple explores lessons learned from previous marriages, the evolution of the institution of marriage, the foundation of their relationship that keeps it strong, and even the personal details of keeping the spark alive - in bed and otherwise.

Tune in to hear Meg and Craig share ideas about how to be intentional and how to keep the spark going for years. You will not want to miss their method involving a Woodwick candle or naughty stockings. 

Plus, the winner is in from the Love Story Contest!!


LISTEN

HIGHLIGHTS

  • The definition of intimacy can encompass not only romantic relationships, but friendships too.

  • Building on levels of intimacy.

  • How Meg and Craig met! (Chat rooms come up in this conversation!)

  • How people, each other, and relationships are the most important thing in life.

  • Getting to know Meg and Craig, including delving into previous marriage details.

  • How Meg became the full-time caregiver to the five kids once she was together with Craig.

  • Transitioning to the dynamics of being a blended family.

  • How friendship first provided a strong foundation for the relationship.

  • Craig learned how to be more selfless after his first marriage.

  • Being intentional is a priority in the Smidts’ relationship.

  • Therapy was a big help.

  • The institution of marriage and how to get past general societal expectations and really having a partner.

  • “Behind any successful person, there’s usually somebody in their life who has been supportive of them,” Craig says.

  • Instead of looking at what can your spouse give to you, ask what can you do to lift the other up to grow the relationship.

  • Soul mates, “otherworldly chemistry,” and a feeling in the entire family of connection and being meant to be.

  • What it was like to fall in love with each other.

  • In terms of being intentional, actively learning how to speak your partner’s love language helps them feel loved.

  • Communicate to ensure each other is getting their needs met.

  • The difficulty of finding firsts. The couple celebrates them when they do.

  • The Woodwick Candle idea to keep physical intimacy a priority and going strong.

  • How the couple balances each other out.

  • The couple’s approach to resolving conflict while maintaining intimacy.

  • How gender roles influence conflict resolution.

  • Caring deeply for other people.

  • The importance of modeling behavior to your kids. 

  • Bonding with the kids when in a blended family - feelings of safety and protection.


TAKE AWAYS

  • Friendship first gives a solid foundation to go back to in times of trouble. 

  • Intentionality is important to building and maintaining connection and intimacy - meeting your partner’s needs. It’s best when it becomes a habit and way of life.

  • Patience is important.

  • It’s okay to go to therapy.

  • Think outside the box to build intimacy. For example - if one partner travels frequently for business, you can hide cards and gifts in luggage. Or, FaceTime and cook the same dinner even if you’re in different places.

  • Be open to communication about physical needs. If breaking the ice for new ground in that department is difficult, an app like Desire can help you approach communication.

  • Create a no judgment zone. 

  • In conflict, sometimes a time out can be helpful to gain clarity.

ALL THE COOL STUFF THE SMIDTS MENTION

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Brandi FleckComment