EPISODE 004: A Personal Story of Recognizing Patterns of Emotional Suppression and Abuse to Begin Healing
In this week’s episode, Kim Daigle opens up about losing her mother, coming out in a time when that wasn’t always safe, experiencing several abusive relationships, and the realization that boundaries can be healthy.
In this candid conversation, Kim Daigle lays out how her mindset has changed with each decade. She explores what it feels like to be a target and to be taken advantage of. We explore how toxic relationships can sneak in in times when we’re at our lowest in life. Kim has learned through hands on experience that suppression of her true self can be devastating to self esteem, which in turn creates an environment where it’s easy to allow in people who may want to manipulate your vulnerabilities.
Tune in to see how Kim learned to discern between healthy and unhealthy interactions to break a cycle of abuse she kept finding herself in.
We discuss the following topics through the lens of Kim’s personal life experiences:
The importance of placing boundaries in personal relationships and recognizing people’s intentions.
How not dealing with losing a parent led to losing a sense of true self - Kim also loss ability to use intuition, a strong will, spunk, and led to a codependent relationship with a mother figure who ended up emotionally and physically abusing Kim.
The warning signs of someone wanting to take advantage of you include someone changing drastically after you’re in a situation with them that’s hard to leave, such as living together.
Sometimes its necessary to eliminate people from your life even if you love them.
In the face of being rejected by family and friends for coming out as a lesbian, Kim had to learn doing what was right for her was more important than pleasing those around her.
The foundation your parents give you and feeling safe influences how you relate to the world. Understanding what your parents go through as you mature helps you recognize they are human too.
It can be hard to recognize patterns of emotional, mental, and physical abuse within personal relationships.
There’s typically a progression in abusive relationships. In the beginning it’s an appealing situation. Once a person gains your trust and you’ve been vulnerable with them, manipulative tactics can make the situation confusing and victims don’t always recognize what’s happening until abuse has escalated to physical harm. It can take years. It can be embarrassing. It can be disorienting.
Kim gives advice on how to get out of an abusive situation based on how she did it, whether a romantic or platonic relationship.
“Getting out is the very most important thing you need to focus on. I would do that at any cost because it won’t get better. If you’re scared [of being hurt]… they’re going to do that anyways if you stay there.” This was Kim’s realization after a 9-year long platonic relationship with her abuser.
KIM’S RECOMMENDED RESOURCES
Contact an abuse hotline when the abuser is not around or cannot find out that you did. An example of one such hotline its he National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 or TTY 1-800-787-3224. The website is https://www.thehotline.org.