EPISODE 001: How Repeating Patterns Help Us Apply Incomplete Combustion Lessons to Cycles of Abuse, Healing, and Living Fully


CAUTION - This episode contains explicit content.

In this first episode, I open up about childhood emotional abuse leading to an abrupt move across states to safety; how that abuse prompted me to justify smoking; quitting smoking; and cycles of healing. I recount the climax of domestic violence that led to the end of the 9-year relationship responsible for the trauma. 

In this candid solo episode, I tell you why I started the podcast and explore how my own experiences of being safe from abuse and quitting smoking help me have faith we can transform ourselves and therefore transform society. 

I use comparisons between a chemical reaction - incomplete combustion - and the toxic effects of living life without enough fulfillment and meaningfulness. 

Tune in to see how repeating patterns in the universe make the comparison possible and the lesson I learned about combating hurtful actions with love.



  • A recount of the first time I smoked, using literary and oral story telling techniques

  • Why I started the podcast, from the Las Vegas mass shooting to painting portraits of people

  • The theme that emerged from the first 8 interviews I did for this podcast

  • Having empathy rooted in love

  • A personal story of emotional abuse and getting out (plus my love for marching band and colorguard)

  • How the scars from quitting smoking can be similar to the scars of leaving an abusive situation and how a cycle of healing begins and lasts over time

  • Hurting people hurt people and how to stop that cycle

  • What being human means to me


Incomplete combustion:

  • https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK53014

  • https://www.bat-science.com/groupsms/sites/BAT_9GVJXS.nsf/vwPagesWebLive/DO858KZ6#

Quitting smoking:

  • https://www.nhs.uk/smokefree/why-quit/what-happens-when-you-quit


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